understanding love.

i’ve sat and pondered marriage for some time now. 

i’m the girl who’s been around the ringer more times than not. 

i’m the one they say deserves love,

but could never find it right. 

i’m that sensitive-fury type, 

the one who wears her heart on her sleeve,

and calls the bluff all within the same moment.

and here i am — pondering marriage like i dreamt about when i was a little gal... ‘cept for it feels different this time - at twenty seven. 

it feels a lot more free,

and a lot more hardy.

it seems a lot more thrown around,

and a lot less everlasting. 

and i hate parts of that.

we’re all out here searching for love,

a love that will last for all of our days

and yet... we make space for excuses 

and trip up on the ones who wounded us,

and by ALL means, we are valid in that.

but there’s something i’ve noticed, 

and something i am challenged by,

and something i long for... deeply. 

and that is to love fully 

and to receive love fully,

to let go of comparison,

to get out of that gosh dang box society tells us we’re trapped in,

and to choose to fight the raw, strenuous, all-consuming, worthy, ugly, beautiful, fight — for love. we were literally made for love. 

and so i sum up my words,

i gather up my revelation,

and i leave you with the best advice my therapist and my parents ever left me just last year in the middle of my unraveling: 

~ you’re always going to have a reason to leave, why not have a reason to stay? 

to choose beauty and sacrifice, all of the days of your life. for love. the most powerful “thing” earth contains. 

it seems as marriage was never meant to harm, but to solidify our hearts, and warm our baring souls. confusion to many of us, but we can’t blame the union — we’ve got to blame the fall. 

so i’ll tie my words up in a bow,

and let you ponder them if you wish. 

i’ll leave my river of words 

for you to follow down the streamline

and replay if you must,

until your own revelation comes to life. 

that’s what these words are for. 

this gift that we’re given here on earth is a sacred one, not a thrown around piece of paper that can be burnt and broken and printed back to life — but a weapon of warfare, a truth, a calling, and a precious prize. one worth stewarding, if i have to say so myself. 

so i’ve fought to understand,

because my brokenness gave me no choice. 

and i will write the hard things,

forever and all of my days. 

‘til death. 

~ from the single gal warring in the midst of understanding love 

---

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